Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
