every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
