Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
