I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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