Your face is a jimmy john
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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