Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
