The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
