so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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