Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
