I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
