just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
