Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
