I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
