So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
What drink are we having for lunch?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
