You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
