Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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