If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
