I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
