Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
