Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
