I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
