he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
