I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
MIDGETS
????
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
