too bad you live with your parents still
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Randomize
