Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
