I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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