I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
