i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
