i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
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