Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
