I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
