I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
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