Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
