My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
