Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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