I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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