That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
