hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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