I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
