Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
