Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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