I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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