"it" just moved
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
