I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
