I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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