you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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