I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
