It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
two words...techno handjob
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
