How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
