Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
