It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
